[26] - [Video]

[sharpememory]

[Barron: hit by the honesty bomb. He's sitting on his bed, writing in his diary journal.]

So, guys. I basically disappeared off the barge. [He pauses to scribble something out in the journal.] Which isn't that abnormal, but it was weird. I spent a while at home not remembering being here at all. My brother turned out to be a total asshole who was willing to turn us over to the Feds, so he got taken out by my other brother. Who then got all into my business and made the hot high school girl I was really into break up with me.

[Barron sighs, making a face.] It's not like I'm that much older than her, but whatever. It's a little ridiculous. I mean, even my Mom is getting together with a guy. Who's totally the head of a mob family, but what are you gonna do? [Barron shrugs.] It's not like the connections would do us any harm.

[He stops scribbling in his journal.] Then I was back here, remembering being here from before and the new stuff that I'd done at home. I guess I asked the Admiral if I could go home the right amount of times or something. [A pause.] It was better than being here, even with all the drama going down.

Comments

[buywithme]

Well, then why won't you think about this, Comrade? What is it you're trying to avoid?

[sharpememory]

Man, Prefect. [Barron sounds really, really serious.] Are we having a warden conversation this early in the morning? Seriously?

[buywithme]

Comrade, please just answer the question.

[GET BACK HERE BARRON HE SEES YOU TRYING TO ESCAPE.]

[sharpememory]

[DAMMIT, NO ESCAPE TODAY.]

Prefect, there are some places that I don't wanna go. What ifs are one of them. I just handle stuff as it happens. It's what I do. [Said so begrudgingly.]

[buywithme]

[GOOD INMATE. Prefect nods, somewhat understandingly.]

All right. Why is that, do you think?

[sharpememory]

I don't know. [He isn't thinking it through, though.] But you're gonna assume it's because of what the blowback does.

[buywithme]

I don't want to assume anything, Barron. [Prefect insists, gently.] I want you to think about it, so that we can figure out what the reason is together.

Do you think it's because of what the blowback does? Or do you think it's because of something else?

[sharpememory]

[Barron sighs, leaning back in his chair.] I don't know. We use what we have and do what we need to do. That's what my family has always done, for better and for worse. We're not interested in thinking about what we might have, we're interested in thinking about how to get it. I just can't see how speculating about this stuff is even worth my time.

[buywithme]

Well, Comrade, it's worth your time because your life has changed in coming here. [Prefect explains gently.] The Admiral won't just send you back to live your old life again, you have to either graduate, or stay here forever.

[Prefect pauses, briefly, and then adds:] And if you do stay here forever, then that's okay? I mean, I wouldn't go anywhere or leave you to be resorted or anything. But... one day you might want a different life, and it can't be the same as the one you've left behind.

[sharpememory]

Well, the second one doesn't sound too good. Unless you were here, I suppose. [Barron says the latter part of that sentence lightly, like he's joking.]

I just think the whole thing is unfair. Why does the Admiral get to decide that my life isn't good enough to have?

[buywithme]

I would be here, Comrade. For as long as you needed me. I mean, maybe even for longer after that, since I don't really have anywhere else to be... [Joke or no joke, hanging around the barge for the remainder of his existence is definitely among Prefect's life plans.]

It... it is unfair, but Comrade, I do worry about what would become of you, eventually. I don't like... how you've been used, or what you've had to give up for it, and I am afraid that if you went back to that life, in a few years you wouldn't remember me at all.

[Obviously there are other, more important things that Barron would forget, but Prefect is just being his own example.]

[sharpememory]

Come on, man. Don't you have anyone that you'd want to see again at home? [Barron pauses.] Who isn't like, a robot or something?

[Barron had made a few assumptions about what type of environment Prefect had come from before.]

[He continues, more seriously.] I'd have notes on you, though. I'd read them every other day.

[buywithme]

Comrade, if I ever go back to my home... [Prefect hesitates briefly, searching for a way of saying that he'd only ever be going back to get killed fighting a totalitarian regime that isn't kind of a major downer.] ...There won't be anyone who wants me there. There is no place for me to return to in that world. That's why I want you to think about this, Brother. I don't want you feeling like this place is the end of the line for you.

[Robots would have at least understood.]

But I could pass you in the street, and you wouldn't know me. When you looked at me, you wouldn't feel anything at all. I'd just be... like a historical figure to you, Brother. Someone you'd read about in a book, rather than somebody you knew.

[sharpememory]

There must be at least someone who wants you there. Family, friends. [Barron pauses, because what he's going to say is a bit awkward to put out there.] You're a good guy. I find it hard to believe that no one would want you around.

You wouldn't be a historical figure. [Barron doesn't hesitate before saying the next bit or realize just how messed up the sentiment is.] Everyone is like that for me, remember?

[buywithme]

[Prefect winces a little bit, and shakes his head, with a careful smile.] I couldn't have those things back home, Comrade. Honestly, brother... the way that I was raised at home, what I was raised to be... I wasn't supposed to grow attached to other human beings, and I didn't, until I came here. If I went back... I would have to go back to a place where that was expected of me. [And really, where worse things were expected of him, but let's stick to the 'no friends or family' part of the problem.]

Comrade that isn't good! [Prefect says emphatically] Having Everyone around you just being somebody that you've read about somewhere is... it's isolating, Brother. It's exactly what I don't want for you.

[sharpememory]

[Barron looks surprised at that. He just assumed that Prefect was born the way he was, not that it was a product of his environment.] Wow, that's a little bit fucked up. I guess the barge is pretty good in comparison.

[Barron paused, thinking it through.] You shouldn't go back to where you came from. You should choose a port world that seems nice and stay there.

[He just waves off Prefect's concern.] I'm fine with it. People are still people and I still get on with them pretty well. Just because it's in a different way doesn't mean that it doesn't matter.

[buywithme]

[Prefect shrugs his shoulders a little at the suggestion.] I've been invited to go live with a few people, when I'm finished here. Wardens, and other graduated inmates. I don't know, Comrade, I think... before I came here, the universe seemed very small to me. Now, it keeps growing indefinitely and I never permanently die. I'm not sure that I want to give that up yet.

[Prefect nods understandingly at what Barron's saying, but his concern doesn't waver] Comrade, I know that you are extremely well adapted to what happens with you, and you are very charismatic, and really good with people. I'm not questioning that. The problem is that what you get out of those friendships... isn't what you should be getting from them. It should be about more than just getting along with everyone.

[sharpememory]

[Barron thought about that for a moment.] Yeah, it's kind of mindblowing, I guess. I suppose that I'm starting to take it for granted. Which is a bit weird, when living on a magical space barge is suddenly really ordinary.

[He does look a bit affronted at the mention of relationships, though.] Come on, man. I get a lot out of those. I'm good with my family. I get on with people. [He pauses.] I got a lot out of dating Daneca.

[He pauses again, then realizes what he's implying.] Like, in terms of a relationship. Emotionally.

[buywithme]

[Prefect laughed, because yeah, he did that a bit as well. The whole, taking it for granted, thing.] It is weird, Comrade, but we have to live somewhere, and here... once you get used to all of the crazy stuff... a lot of nice things have happened to me here as well.

[Prefect lifts his hands and looks at Barron earnestly.] I'm not saying that you didn't, Comrade, and I'm not saying that they're not important to you, I'm just saying...

[He pauses, briefly, searching for the right way of explaining] ...Do you remember the first time you noticed her, Comrade? I mean, do you actually remember what made you like her? Or would you need to check your journal for that?

[sharpememory]

I know the feeling. The barge can have good moments, I guess. [Some begrudging acknowledgement that Barron had actually had a decent time on the barge some days.]

[Barron pauses, before frowning.] I remember how I feel about her. That's what matters. The specifics are just specifics. They don't mean that the rest of it isn't there.

[He didn't remember.]

[buywithme]

Comrade, it all matters. The specifics aren't just a bunch of technicalities that you don't need, they're what you can look back on as... the tangible reasons why you love her like you do. Otherwise one day, I'll be asking you to describe her to me, and all you'll be able to describe, is the feeling. Just the sense that there was someone important to you once, and that her name was Daenica and nothing more than that.

[Prefect props his hand on his chin and stares at the bar, frowning intently.]

Love isn't... it's not one big romantic gesture, or some bolt of lightning, it's a million small things that the other person does for you, or that you do for them. It's about knowing that person intently, Comrade. Eventually Comrade, you're just going to have really strong feelings about a group of people who you don't feel like you know at all...

[sharpememory]

[Barron laughed.] Wow, depressing much? That isn't gonna happen to me though. You may think that I haven't learned anything here, but I have. I maybe do need to tone it down with my power. Like, maybe only use it when I really have to.

[He means that in all seriousness. The Mysterio lesson did sink in a bit.] And even then, that group of people will still know me, even if I don't feel like it. So it'd be fine. Just fine.

[buywithme]

[And... Prefect is actually smiling a that, a little ruefully, but undeniably smiling.] Sorry, Comrade. You may not have noticed this, but I spend kind of a lot of time worrying about you.

Just... don't tell yourself that the worst case scenario is okay, Comrade. I think it's really great that you want to use your power less, so... hopefully you'll never ever get to that point. So you don't need to try and convince yourself that it would be fine.

[sharpememory]

[Barron shrugs.] I have to accept that things might get to that point and I have to be okay with it. What if I needed to use my power to save a bunch of people or something? I'd have to handle the fallout.

[He pauses before continuing.] Thanks for caring, though. It means a lot.

[buywithme]

[Prefect nods, listening attentively to what Barron's saying.] I do understand, Brother, and... I think I understand better when you put it like that? But Comrade, even though I think it's good for you to be prepared for that and to be able to handle it should it become necessary... It's all right to acknowledge that that's the worst case scenario. That even if you can deal with it when it happens, and even if you have things in place, it's all right not to accept it. It's all right to be angry that you're in a position where one day you might have to make that choice. It's okay... not to be okay with it.

[He gives Barron a lopsided little smile, at that end comment.] I couldn't stop if I tried, Brother.